


Supportive

by threewalls



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Always a Different Sex, Alternate Universe - Australia, Alternate Universe - High School, Aromantic Character(s), Asexual character(s), F/F, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Genderqueer Character, Lesbian Character(s), Non-binary character, Other, Self-Discovery, Trans Female Character, Underage Drinking
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-08-23
Updated: 2015-12-13
Packaged: 2018-04-16 20:51:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 11,802
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4639779
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/threewalls/pseuds/threewalls
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>tfw your crush wants to help you find the girl of your dreams (and you're trying not to give away that it's her)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. May

**Author's Note:**

> * This is very much an AU and references twelve member EXO.  
> * Chinguline: Year 11; maknae line: Year 10; everyone else: Year 12.  
> * Assume everyone is a girl unless otherwise stated. (And just to be very clear: Zitao, when they appear, is otherwise stated.)
> 
> Written for a [prompt](http://exopromptmeme.livejournal.com/16556.html?thread=7798700#t7798700) from the EXO Prompt Meme on Livejournal looking for a high school AU with mtf!Chanyeol with a crush on her best friend Baekhyun. The prompt was posted in July 2014, and it's now August 2015, so I've decided to begin posting the sections I've written so far (with the rest hopefully to be added when complete).
> 
> With so many thanks to Mec and Jay for reading so many iterations of this story over so many months, to HD for Sydney-checking, and BP for my accidental apprenticeship in writing subplots.

"You look good in that," Kris says. "Comfortable, I mean."

Chanyeol's new school uniform has a blazer that's too blocky on her, a blouse with a Peter Pan collar, and a pleated skirt that she hasn't hemmed any shorter than off the rack. She's worn it for a whole term already, and it still takes some getting used to when she sees herself in the mirror.

Chanyeol wasn't allowed to wear a skirt at her old school, not even after the school counsellor mentioned during one of their meetings that the school would really prefer that she started to wear a bra. Bras were also not part of the uniform code, but they could at least go under her shirt and tie. Lowes doesn't make skirts in the same tartan as Kris's uniform blazer. 

They're talking through the chain-link fence at the edge of the senior lawn, which means that Kris's questions about what subjects she's taking this year and how she likes them and hers about the basketball team tryouts at her old school have an audience on either side of the fence. Not Baekhyun and her friends, because they sit almost on the concrete at the edge of the lawn, but this close to first bell, there are plenty of other eager ears.

Chanyeol has overheard talk about Kris Wu in the corridors here, lamenting that he might graduate still single. She knows she's not the sort of girl anyone asks out, so that can't be what this is about, but there's no harm in a few moments of pretend. Chanyeol is the tallest girl in the school, of any year, but Kris is taller. She feels almost _delicate_ next to him.

But when Chanyeol congratulates him on making sports captain, pointing to the badge on his blazer lapel, Kris flushes pink down to where his white shirt collar meets his neck, and looks down at his big hands. She doesn't know what to think, then. 

When the ten minute warning bell peals, Kris says it was good to see her, and that he hopes to see her around later in the week. He's already in motion, waving as he walks backwards, so the last is more than loud enough for other people to hear. 

People would be talking about him talking to her, anyway, about Kris getting _their_ sports captain, Lu Han, to call Chanyeol over to the fence so they could talk. Chanyeol got used to being old news, and she'll get used to it again.

Even though Chanyeol's just one of thirty girls joining Year 11 this year, she wasn't really new, not even back at the beginning of the year. Her old school is just a ten-minute walk away. Like Kris, she used to go to brother-sister school dances with these girls. 

It's nice, in a way, that everyone knows her story. Chanyeol doesn't have to argue with the ladies in the school office about using the one disabled (unisex) toilet in the admin block. She doesn't have to wait and wonder what will happen when someone finds out. 

Chanyeol gets back to Baekhyun holding her own neck protectively, circling and weaving away from Kyungsoo's raised hands. When Baekhyun darts behind her, Chanyeol pulls her elbows in by instinct, and stands stock straight, her abs tensed, as Baekhyun grabs hold of her arms from behind.

"Be good," Kyungsoo says, warningly.

"I'm always good," Baekhyun replies, squeezing Chanyeol's arms through her blazer and letting go. "I'm very, very good. Not that you'd know about that."

The second bell, the real one, sounds in the middle of Baekhyun's retort, and that's the end of whatever that was as they all go for their bags.

The four of them in Year 11 have Mathematics first period, and Sehun and Jongin in the year below them have English. Baekhyun's grrrl posse sits where they do, right on the edge, because Sehun and Jongin are technically not supposed to set foot on the senior lawn. 

Sehun was Baekhyun's first official hook-up, "hook-up" being Baekhyun's word for what she and Sehun do and have been doing since a school dance, a little over a year ago, when Chanyeol stood guard for them outside the girls' toilets. Baekhyun has found other girls who didn't react badly to her hands planted on their asses, but Sehun was the first, and she's the only one who followed Baekhyun out of the closet.

Jongin sits with them because she's Sehun's best friend and never goes anywhere without her if she can help it. She’d shrunk into herself when Lu Han had come over to their group earlier, but looked up when Lu Han's topic of conversation had shifted from Chanyeol to the recent grade sport tryouts for soccer.

Now, Jongin shrinks from Chanyeol offering her a hand up. Chanyeol just grins at the younger girl and lets her arm swing down by her side. She knows it's not personal, and joins the other girls for the stairs to the Mathematics classrooms.

\---

At the beginning of second period, Baekhyun slides into the seat Chanyeol has saved for her in Modern History and leans her head against Chanyeol's shoulder to ask: "So -- Angry Bird Boy, what did he want?"

Baekhyun never calls boys by their names, even though Kris is someone that Chanyeol used to talk about.

Kris was already on the basketball team at Chanyeol's old school when Chanyeol started in Year 7. He was the captain when she made the team in Year 9, but Chanyeol's not sure she could call them friends. She never sat with him and his friends at lunch. Though, to be honest, Chanyeol ate her recess and lunch with the school librarian for most of Year 10. Her list of guys from her old school who might check up on her is short, and Kris would not have been her first guess.

But she remembers that Kris was kind when she wanted to change in a toilet stall instead of the locker room, and when she had to resign halfway through the season after she got her first prescriptions. That even before that Kris didn't let anyone on the team get away with calling anyone else a fag. 

Baekhyun's not satisfied by Chanyeol's account of "we just talked about school stuff", but she lets it go with a "you remember he dances worse than Jongdae, right?" 

People do suddenly want to talk to her now. Chanyeol gets practiced at saying "I used to go to school with Kris," which everyone knows, but works all right as a conversational distraction. Even after the second time they talk, Chanyeol's not very sure what Kris wants, but she keeps grinning whenever she remembers that he did want to see her.

"He's there again," Baekhyun sighs, when Kris appears by the fence for the third morning in a row. "No, you sit," she tells Chanyeol, who plonks herself down on the grass, looking up at Baekhyun rising to her feet and dusting her palms over the back of her skirt. Baekhyun takes Textiles and Design; her skirt is hemmed as high as she can get away with. 

Chanyeol's stomach feels weird as she watches Baekhyun make Kris laugh. 

Baekhyun is more efficient than Chanyeol, gets Kris writing something down and giving it to Baekhyun after only a few minutes. Chanyeol gets a wave from the other side of the fence -- she flushes, of course they knew she'd be watching them -- but Kris doesn't linger all the way to the warning bell this time.

Kris's phone number hasn't changed since he was her captain, but maybe he thought she wouldn't have kept it all this time. And it's different, isn't it, a boy giving his phone number through the fence, not a captain contacting his players.

"But what am I supposed do?"

"What am I supposed to know about what straight people do?" Baekhyun rolls her eyes. "Just call him after school. That always works in movies."

Chanyeol does call that night, and Kris does ask if she'd like to meet up in the city on Saturday. Does that count as a date? She texts Baekhyun as soon as she ends the call, but Baekhyun must be busy and doesn't reply immediately.

Chanyeol's mother is sure that it is a date. She's delighted once she recognises he's _that_ Kris Wu and insists on taking Chanyeol out Thursday late night shopping for something pretty to wear. 

Myer at Westfield Chatswood is woefully underprepared in general for a young woman of Chanyeol's measurements, but the ladies’ shoe department does manage to find them a choice of two different styles of simple black flats in Chanyeol's size. Her mother is embarrassing, telling everyone who serves them that her daughter has her first date on the weekend. Chanyeol agrees to one pair just to get out of there before her grin pops out either side of her jaw.

Friday at school just feels like marking time. Kris hasn't been at the fence since Baekhyun got his number and the rumour mill has moved on to pondering whether Kris will get his huge hands under Baekhyun's skirt, because she's clearly a better candidate for his (assumed to be substantial) "affections" than Chanyeol.

Baekhyun scrunches her school jumper up to her elbows and writes "lesbian" in black biro in block capitals down her left forearm and "girls only" on the right during lunch. Her Drama teacher makes her leave class in the following period to go wash it off. Baekhyun tries to make it sound like a funny story when she tells Chanyeol about it, but after that she's quiet on the bus, and quiet as they trudge the familiar route from the bus stop to their street.

"Aren't you coming in?" Chanyeol asks. Baekhyun's fringe has grown long, and she's looking down, so all Chanyeol can see is tightness of her mouth. "I thought, well, I really value your opinion about clothes and stuff. You know that, right?"

"The very last thing I care about right now is what a straight boy would find hot," Baekhyun says, and keeps walking, right past Chanyeol's driveway.

\---

Chanyeol wakes up early on Saturday morning, like usual. She buries herself in her stuffed animals, but she can't get to sleep. She showers and tries to help her mother with breakfast. 

At the table, her mother keeps trying to get her to talk to her and Chanyeol's dad about Kris, about what they're planning to do in the city. Chanyeol doesn't say much -- she doesn't have to, when her mother keeps coming back to how nervous she was for her first date. (At age eleven, but Chanyeol's a late bloomer, that's ok.) Chanyeol doesn't eat much, either. Her parents have both finished before Chanyeol's had much more than half a cup of milky coffee.

The doorbell rings, and her mother brings back a Baekhyun with killer eyeliner and shorts that she looks like she might have sewn herself into. 

"Princess, you didn't tell me Baekhyun was coming over to help you get ready."

Chanyeol's mother hasn't stopped making food for four, so there's enough for her to serve Baekhyun her own plate. She offers to make a new pot of coffee, which Baekhyun politely accepts. Her mother leaves them alone after that, the gurgling sound of water boiling loud when no one's talking. 

Chanyeol's sure that Baekhyun's already had a meal at home, but that doesn't normally stop her from eating more.

"The coffee's for you," Baekhyun says, moving food around her plate. 

"Yeah, I figured." 

"So, all I know about dating straight guys is from guys who think "lesbian" just means try harder, and my brother complaining about his female friends not putting out. Like he thought liking girls meant I would sympathise. But you're my best friend, and this is your first date, so I'm here."

Baekhyun and Chanyeol's mother must be the only two people on the planet who think that Kris actually wants to go out with her.

"We're just hanging out," Chanyeol says. 

"But you like him, right?" Baekhyun asks, cutting her breakfast into smaller and smaller pieces. "Kris?"

"I have fun talking to him, and I don't think he asked to meet up in the city just to stand me up or prank me."

Baekhyun's eyes shoot up from her plate.

"I meet and raise your pessimism about straight boys," Chanyeol says, laughing a little and reaching up to tuck hair behind her ear. "My sister's advice was tuck fifty dollars in my bra as emergency taxi money."

"Yeah, well, I was going to tell you to do that, too," Baekhyun says. "And after we finish eating, we'll make sure he'll knows he's an idiot if he doesn't ask you out again."

Baekhyun calls it a face "for a daytime date but with plausible deniability," shading Chanyeol's face with a palette of pink, gold and beige. 

The creamy touch of lip gloss, the delicate sweep of sponge brushes over her eyelids, the citrus notes of Baekhyun's current favourite spray deodorant, this is all familiar to her. Baekhyun's made her over so many times before, first as a game, then as teaching and now just a treat. There's no one Chanyeol trusts more to make her beautiful.

She and Baekhyun have made up. Chanyeol doesn't know why she still feels so jittery.

Baekhyun grabs Chanyeol's wrist, pinning it to her thigh to stop Chanyeol's knee from bouncing. Her hand is hot, and tiny, and her fingernail polish is perfect on each nail. "Do I need to tie you down or something?" she asks.

"Too much coffee, I guess," Chanyeol replies.

"You need to pee before we get onto mascara?"

Chanyeol shakes her head and they both laugh.

Baekhyun sits with her on the platform until Chanyeol's train arrives. They talk about Baekhyun's latest T&D portfolio project, ugly jumpers for cute dogs, and mostly Baekhyun does all the talking.

\---

Kris is already standing by the steps in front of Town Hall when Chanyeol comes up from the station. Her journey was uneventful and maybe now that she's here, and she can see that Kris is here, her jitters are completely gone.

They walk down to the water and through the park by the exhibition centres. The plan is to end up somewhere in Chinatown, a late lunch, and it's almost fun, catching up on more gossip from her old school. Right up until Kris starts glancing at her weirdly at around the thirty minute mark.

She's just about to ask what's up when Kris walks her over to a bench. He gets her to sit down before sitting down beside her, angling his body so he's facing her. Chanyeol's heart is thumping. What if he wants to hold her hand?

Kris says: "Parkie, your feet are bleeding."

The flats that Chanyeol's mother said made her feet look so pretty and delicate in the store now have blood along the back of both ankles and where the straps cut across the arch of her left foot. (The right has a blister in the same place, but it hasn't popped yet.)

"They're new. You have to break them in," Chanyeol explains. 

Kris looks kind of sick.

"Do you want to go home?" he asks. "You can't walk in those."

They don't stop for lunch in Chinatown, but hit up a shoe store at the edge of Haymarket. It's not Oxford Street, but there is a rainbow flag hanging down behind the cash register. There are also gold thigh-high boots more likely to fit Kris than Baekhyun hanging in one of the windows and T-shirts printed with a twenty-eight part dictionary entry for the word "fuck". They're served by a woman with a pepper grey buzz cut and inked leopards prowling down her bare upper arms. She gives Chanyeol Band-Aids and Dettol wipes and then brings her several pairs of shoes until they find the right pair. They are a pair of shocking pink 8-eyelets Dr. Martens' in exactly Chanyeol's size, on sale, last season's stock. 

Kris looks away when Chanyeol dips into her bra to pay for the boots. The woman ringing her up only smiles and offers to throw away Chanyeol's flats. Chanyeol thinks she liked being told she was pretty, but she doesn't actually like the flats and her mother won't be able to get a refund, anyway, not with all her blood all over them. Her feet still ache but the boots feel so much more _her_.

Later, they're sitting in the food court under Galleries Victoria, because it's somewhere to sit close to Town Hall station. Kris left her here and came back with salt and pepper squid and hot chips from a place in the arcade down towards the QVB. It's spread out between them on butcher's paper. 

It's pretty quiet here, late enough afternoon that most of the tables are empty except for one group of four women sitting a few metres away from them, caught up in their own conversation. They don't look high school age, or at least they all look like they have their shit together, shoes that match their purses and dresses that flatter their shapes. That makes them seem older to Chanyeol.

She watches the brunette sit down, folding her long bare legs under their table, her brown hair shining as it falls in soft waves over her shoulders. Chanyeol looks at the chips before she can be caught staring.

Kris says: "So, Parkie, I, uh, I think I'm, uh, gay." 

Chanyeol fills her mouth with chip after chip and thinks very loudly to herself: "And I'm a girl."

But now that Kris has said that, the words trip more easily out of his mouth. Chanyeol's apparently the first person he has made this particular confession to; he doesn't know anyone else at school that he knows for sure isn't straight.

And he has a crush on a boy. Of course, Kris does. Of course.

"Well, you can't know just by looking at someone--" Chanyeol starts.

Kris snorts and interrupts her to say that the problem isn't so much whether this guy likes other guys (or likes Kris!) but that he's apparently very into his girlfriend of five years and counting. When Kris mentions that "the guy" even writes his girlfriend love songs, Chanyeol's almost certain she knows who Kris means. 

At her old school, Yixing Zhang plays the piano for the concert band and the orchestra and for the school song at assembly each week. He's in Year 12 like Kris, so Chanyeol doesn't know him very well, but she was his semi-official understudy for a while, stepping in if he was unable to perform. And you don't have to know Yixing well to know that he and his girlfriend are practically engaged.

Chanyeol makes sympathetic noises between chewing, because having a crush on someone who is clearly into someone else sounds horrible. But Kris will be out of high school next year, and wherever he goes, he's got better chances to meet single gay guys than he has right now. There's Mardi Gras at the beginning of the year, if nothing else.

"I knew you'd understand," Kris tells her. "That girl you were always hanging out with, she's gay, right, and I guess you're, uh... no offence, ok, but are you straight now, or...?"

A straight girl would probably be more upset to hear from Kris Wu that he's only into guys.

Chanyeol starts laughing, at Kris for being ridiculous. At herself, that she's somehow never stopped to ask herself just how much she likes girls.

Straight women wouldn't go to a boys' school for four years without even a single crush, not on a boy or a teacher, she thinks. Straight women wouldn't be distracted by the gorgeous brunette that Chanyeol can see over Kris's shoulder.

Who is now staring, of course, she is, because Chanyeol's slapping the food court table with her hands she's so far gone. 

"No," Chanyeol manages to gasp out between shakes of her head. "I don't think I am."

Kris is the first person she's told that to as well, but she doesn't tell him that. 

When Chanyeol and Kris are walking out, one of the brunette's friends, the one with bleached blonde hair who looks like she could rip your throat out with her nails, drops her head to the brunette's shoulder so suddenly and so cutely that Chanyeol has to wonder if maybe they're a couple. And Chanyeol nearly trips over her own feet.

Kris grabs her arm, asking if she's ok, is it her feet? Chanyeol hears the blonde call the brunette "Dara" and for some reason just knowing the brunette's name makes her face turn even more hot.

At the ticket gates, Kris grabs Chanyeol's arm before she can go through. He asks Chanyeol not to tell anyone at school, at either of their schools, and Chanyeol just looks at him and says: "Yeah, ok, sure." 

Kris's bus leaves from Wynyard, so he doesn't follow her into the station. She doesn't look back as she walks down to her platform. 

\---

On the train home, Chanyeol finds an email from Baekhyun, sent while she's been out: _"I forgot to say have fun! Tell me how it went when you get back!"_

Chanyeol takes a picture of her new boots, and on impulse captions it: _"I think I prefer girls."_

It's sent, and her heart is beating so fast. Chanyeol turns to face the window, because it's the only way she can think to keep from disturbing the other passengers with her grin.

Chanyeol has always preferred the company of girls, but when you're ten, when you're fourteen, that you want girls to be your friend, that's the sort of thing that makes a doctor smile at you. Wanting anything else with girls, not so much. But Chanyeol's changed doctors since the one who frowned when she said liked make-up but missed how easy it was to wash short hair, when she mentioned her best friend was a lesbian.

Baekhyun thinks straight girls who think she's come out to them just to come onto them are idiots. She won't think Chanyeol means anything by it. She won't be sitting around waiting for Chanyeol to reply-- especially since Chanyeol's coming home early.

Chanyeol owes Yixing a reply to the email he sent back at the start of the year, that concert band was much quieter this year without her at the back. She'd been replaced in the percussion section by two kids in Year 7. She hadn't yet been replaced as his understudy and Yixing had asked her to tell him which school she'd moved to, so he'd be able to smuggle her in in the case of an emergency. Chanyeol is still not sure if that last was a joke.

Talking to Kris has reminded her that while Yixing is brilliant at music and brilliant at dance, otherwise he's kind of vague. Chanyeol has never been sure whether Yixing even noticed all the ways she was changing the last two years. Just answering about her new school and wishing him luck with his HSC is enough.

Chanyeol's phone vibrates in her hands just as soon as her train shoots out of the tunnels at North Sydney.

_"most girls are way hotter than scary eyebrow boy, tbh"_

_"I've seen the light,"_ Chanyeol replies.

_"how many girls do you think I have to convert before they send me a toaster? :3"_

\---

"Your mother said you have to be at church early in the morning," Chanyeol's mother says. 

It's late, and her father is already in bed. Chanyeol and Baekhyun have been watching TV in the front room since Baekhyun came over after dinner. It's classic Sailor Moon episodes with Baekhyun's classic commentary (300% more lesbian subtext and rolling her eyes every time Mamoru or Tuxedo Mask appears on screen).

"Yeah, practice got cancelled this week, so we're getting a catch-up. Have to be there an hour early." Baekhyun makes a face. 

"Don't stay up too late, girls," Chanyeol's mother says, and then after a pause: "Yoora's room has clean sheets."

"Thanks, but I'll crash at home," Baekhyun says, and Chanyeol knows she's thinking of how she'd have to go home in the morning, anyway. That she might be sitting in one of Chanyeol's hoodies right now, which are all too large on Chanyeol herself, but that's different. Baekhyun can't borrow Chanyeol's clothes for church. Baekhyun's always immaculate there.

Chanyeol's mother yawns. "Put your cups and glasses in the sink before you go to sleep, ok, Princess?" 

The coffee table has Chanyeol's laptop, her coffee mug, two wine glasses and the bottle of eight-dollar-a-bottle pink sparkling wine Baekhyun brought over. Her mother leans down over the back of the sofa to ruffle Chanyeol's hair, and they say their I love yous and goodnights. Chanyeol and Baekhyun are sitting on the floor because it makes the low table easier to reach.

Chanyeol's feet still hurt, a bit, but she also feels warm and sleepy, propped up by Baekhyun and the back of couch. She's hoping that her mother's disappointment about any boy who would return her daughter from a date bleeding will prepare her for how much this is not going anywhere. She's only told her mother that Kris didn't mention a next time.

"Mamoru shows up and fails to do anything more romantic than criticise Usagi's life choices," Baekhyun says. "Take a drink."

They both do.

"She deserves better," Baekhyun continues. "She has friends who treat her so much better than this jerk, but, oh, that doesn't count, does it? No, they're girls. And even if Usagi really is only straight, she could do better. I'd never, but there have to be better guys out there. Especially fictional ones. Ugh, I hate him so much."

Chanyeol met Baekhyun when Baekhyun's family moved into the house five houses down from her parents. She remembers the first time they met, Chanyeol stalling on her bike, staring at this girl, at her T-shirt. There was Sailor Mars on it, who was and is Chanyeol's favourite. She doesn't remember what they talked about, just that they laughed so much and the joy of finally finding a girl who actually wanted to be her friend. Baekhyun's still Chanyeol's best friend six years later.

When the episode ends, Baekhyun stands up and goes to the door. Chanyeol pauses the player on her laptop, thinking that Baekhyun is sneaking out for the toilet, but Baekhyun only checks to make sure the door is really shut before tip-toeing to slump, warm and heavy, right back into her position against Chanyeol's side.

"So," she says, too carefully, drawing out the syllable. "Now that we're alone: you have to tell me what your type is."

"I only figured out that girls are cute after lunch," Chanyeol protests, even though she knew this was coming. 

"No one thinks they like girls if they don't have to," Baekhyun insists. "No one ever thinks they're gay without seeing that super hot chick that makes you just _know_."

Baekhyun's own coming out was intensely public. They had taken the train, early, that morning, instead of the bus and Baekhyun had bought the most perfect single red rose available at a florist in Greenwood. She'd presented it to Taeyeon Kim, school captain, on the last day of her Year 12, Baekhyun's Year 7, with a speech about how five years age difference wouldn't seem like so much when they were both older. 

In front of the school.

Chanyeol had been there for all of Baekhyun's practice speeches, and for the half an hour of rose examination at the florist. After school, she'd heard all about how Taeyeon had told twelve-year-old Baekhyun that they weren't older _yet_ , but that she did take the rose. That she did actually take the rose from Baekhyun. But Chanyeol hasn't heard Baekhyun mention Taeyeon in years.

"I got you a complete lemon of a date," Baekhyun says, blowing all the air out of her lungs. "I am so doing better next time, ok?"

She wriggles forward on the carpet to reach the bottle, stops pouring into Chanyeol's glass when Chanyeol shakes her head at little more than another inch. Baekhyun pours her own glass half full and then frowns at the limited remainder in the bottle. She pours it all in, tipping slowly so that the foam doesn't spill over the edge and then ducks her head down to sip from the rim until she's drunk enough to risk lifting the glass.

Baekhyun hands both their glasses to Chanyeol, before sitting back into Chanyeol's side. She sneaks an arm around Chanyeol's waist, pulling them even closer together. 

"So girls. Girls are so much better than boys, no question, welcome to the club," Baekhyun says, chiming their glasses together and taking a large mouthful. "But girls come in so many different types. Tall, short, nerdy, sporty? I could go on, but you really have to help me out here."

Chanyeol feels awkward trying to think about how to talk about Dara and her friends, though. Or the girls she spotted on the platform at Town Hall, or on the train-- because there are actually so many cute girls out there now that she’s realised that she likes to look. She remembers feeling confident about what liking to look meant before, but now Chanyeol remembers how she found herself mentally pairing up cute girls hanging out together, the way she found her mind shying from trying to imagine strangers with herself.

Baekhyun's finished her glass before Chanyeol gets started, and Chanyeol sips at her own glass when she pauses mid-sentence to think again, letting the bubbles fizzle inside her mouth. 

There's no way to make this afternoon sound like as nice a story as roses.

"So, um, does it sound like I do like girls?" Chanyeol asks, once she's run out of girls she remembers noticing.

Baekhyun doesn't even look at her to answer, just nods as she says, "Yeah, you sound just like Jongdae in Year 9. Oh, wow, where have they been keeping all these pretty girls?"

Baekhyun has started tracing her own lips with her fingers. It's distracting in class, but right now it seems relaxing to watch in its familiarity. Baekhyun's other hand is palming Chanyeol's ass, and Chanyeol thinks it's the same reflexive thing, Baekhyun's hand moving because there's something there to touch. Chanyeol's spare arm is draped across Baekhyun's shoulders, because it's the only comfortable place to put it when they're sitting this close.

"I thought you'd be all ready to make up for lost time, except, huh, it sounds like not just hook-ups?" 

"I don't think-- I'm not saying you shouldn't, you know that-- but yeah, for me, I don't think, not just hook-ups. I want a girlfriend.

"I've waited long enough for my first kiss," Chanyeol adds, trying to laugh a bit. "I can wait for someone who wants--"

"You shouldn't have to wait," Baekhyun interrupts. Chanyeol automatically pulls away, except that Baekhyun's arm tightens and they go over sideways. 

The room is now spinning. Wine can do that, Chanyeol knows, especially fizzy wine, and thinks that they were lucky their glasses are on the coffee table. She giggles, and Baekhyun giggles with her, trying to get her attention by fisting both hands in the front of Chanyeol's jumper.

"But you're amazing, Chanyeol. You should know that. Everyone should know that."

Baekhyun's on a roll, non-stop stream of words as Chanyeol pulls her around so that Baekhyun's lying next to her instead of awkwardly draped over her hip. 

"Fuck anyone who's too stupid to want to date you, for real. Just fuck them."

Baekhyun frowns at the hardness of the floor and pushes Chanyeol over, flat onto her back. She likes the flat beneath Chanyeol's shoulder more and hooks an ankle over Chanyeol's calf. Chanyeol strokes one hand along her back, revenge, whatever.

"Or, you know, don't fuck them," Baekhyun mumbles. "You deserve better. I'm going to find you the most awesome-est girlfriend ever."

"Promise?" Chanyeol asks.

Baekhyun makes a grunting noise of assent. It's cute, but the room hasn't stopped spinning under Chanyeol. It's not actually a bad feeling, not right now, but she recognises that they've hit the drink a lot of water point of the night.

Baekhyun clings to Chanyeol's arm in the kitchen, too.

"We do sort of have a guest room," Chanyeol reminds her.

"Fuck, no, so tempting but I shouldn't."

"My mother said you could sleep over." 

"I'm too horny to care right now, but the next time I see your sister, I don't want to be thinking about how I got off in her bed. She's your sister, like, no. Never."

That wasn't the response Chanyeol was expecting.

Baekhyun probably had wine at dinner -- they've never not had wine at dinner at Baekhyun's house, not as long as Chanyeol has known Baekhyun -- but Baekhyun hasn't had to pace herself tonight to be a good host to the other girls. 

Baekhyun's parents let her have the grrrls over once a month, so those are the most common parties Chanyeol gets invited to. Chanyeol never tries to match Baekhyun, and she's been drinking coffee, too, because that's what Chanyeol normally drinks this time of night, even at Baekhyun's, even at parties.

"Regretting not having a party this week?" Chanyeol teases. "No Sehun to help you out."

Baekhyun laughs. "I can take care of myself fine. I should just do it at home."

"You think you can walk that far without falling over?" Chanyeol's laughing, too, as she says it but she does make Baekhyun drink another glass of water and watches her walk up and down the length of the front hall before letting her out into the night.

Chanyeol also waits up in bed for Baekhyun's text that just says "Brushed teeth. Passing out. Clap hard tmrw."

\---

Monday morning before class, Chanyeol tells the grrrls that she likes girls.

"You don't seem surprised. Is that because I'm..." Chanyeol trails off. 

"No, it's because you sit with us," Jongdae says. "I like girls. Baekhyun likes girls. Sehun's binder is covered in Victoria's Secret's models."

"Model," Sehun corrects, stroking her fingers over the binder. "Only Miranda." 

"And Soo isn't into anyone," Baekhyun adds. "Not girls, not boys. Or that's what she told me when she turned me down last year."

"Still true," Kyungsoo retorts. "Not even if we were the last two people on earth."

"Hey, more cute girls for me," Baekhyun says, crawling over to sit in Sehun's lap. They don't kiss, not in the playground, but Sehun's nose pressed into the fall of Baekhyun's hair is hardly subtle.

Lu Han stops by at the first bell, but not to pass on any more messages, just to congratulate Jongin on a goal in the first soccer game of the season. 

Kris doesn't come back to the fence, not Monday and not after that, but Chanyeol doesn't expect him to. 

Her mother is worried for her, sad for her, that this didn't work out until Chanyeol comes out for the second time at family dinner on Friday night, Yoora visiting up for the weekend because her little sister asked her to be there.

(Her sister also doesn't seem surprised, just laughs when Chanyeol admits she told Baekhyun first. "You told her first last time, too, then me, then mum and dad. That's how it goes, right? Let me book the train.") 

It takes Yixing two weeks to reply to Chanyeol's email, but his response is as sweet as she might have expected. He was just thinking about her, he writes. Has she kept up with piano at her new school, and how does she feel about jazz? The co-ed youth ensemble he plays with is going to have an opening for a pianist come June and he'd like to encourage her to audition.


	2. July

"This is one of the downsides of having alcoholics for parents," Baekhyun says after ten minutes of browsing half-empty bottles alongside the make-shift bar. "My tastes are too expensive. I can't drink any of this shit."

She gives up and starts walking in the wrong direction; Chanyeol grabs her forearm to lead her back through the party.

Neither Chanyeol nor Baekhyun know the birthday girl, but she's on the soccer team with Jongin, so they're tagging along because the invitation was "bring your own booze (and your own friends if they also bring booze)" and Jongin didn't want to go alone.

Jongin had wanted to go as not alone as possible, but it took her all the way to the Friday before to even mention the party. Jongdae's grin gave her answer before she said she had plans. Her girlfriend is home this weekend from uni, and none of them expect to see Jongdae for anything until Yilin is back in Melbourne. Kyungsoo said that she didn't attend just anyone's parties (and then gave Baekhyun's arm a burn when she crowed about Kyungsoo coming to _her_ house parties). Sehun had been a given, obviously, and "we're coming, right, Chanyeol?" Baekhyun had said. "We can show off your new haircut."

The last time Chanyeol saw Jongin she was lost in dancing, eyes closed and moving on the temporary dance floor, a room with all the furniture pushed to the sides. The last time she saw Sehun, she was watching Jongin from the lap of someone Chanyeol didn't know. Someone with a bright red ankle-length skirt and short, gel-spiked hair dyed to match. Sehun's baby pink lace mini-dress clashed horribly, but a) she didn't look like she needed saving and b) Baekhyun didn't look like she wanted to save Sehun.

The other girls at the party are mostly from Jongin and Sehun's year, but some of the guys are older. Some of them are from Chanyeol's year. Some of them she's had classes with, at her old school, but they mostly act like she's some girl they've never met before. It could be worse. 

They also laugh at her jokes, mostly, even if sometimes their eyes stick on her chest or her shoulders or the thin square of scarf tied at her throat. Chanyeol likes how her new, shorter haircut looked in the mirror before she came out tonight, but she has to keep clamping down on the urge to go check her mascara whenever she feels a night breeze on the back of her neck.

But boys want to talk to girls who want to talk to them alone, and that's not Chanyeol and that's definitely not Baekhyun. Tonight, they're not strictly on a mission to suss out which girls might want to talk to girls alone, but they might as well be. When they get back to the paved verandah, there aren't more than two girls who meet Chanyeol's eyes and smile. They're luckily standing side by side.

Jinri is on the team with Jongin, a year younger and just that good at soccer. She and Krystal are both friends with Amber Liu, who has Mandarin with Jongdae and a sprained ankle from landing badly in a basketball game this morning or she would be here tonight. 

Or so Chanyeol's already heard. This is their second conversation tonight, so they've already exhausted "who do we all know" and "which teachers do we have in common".

Chanyeol reckons that the younger girls have welcomed them again because she and Baekhyun seem like safe options even with Baekhyun's reputation preceding her.

Chanyeol's pretty happy to be seen as a safe option. It's new. It's nice. And maybe the other people here can't see it, but Chanyeol knows Baekhyun is only interested in making the girls laugh tonight, because she's not elbowing Chanyeol to shut up every time she starts laughing well in advance of Baekhyun's punchline. Instead, she keeps grinning up at Chanyeol every time she loses it.

Baekhyun's latest story is about gifting herself to Jongdae in last year's Kris Kringle exchange. She's still in the middle of telling Jinri and Krystal about making the gift box she used, but Chanyeol is thinking ahead, about Jongdae's reaction when she opened the box. 

Chanyeol's laughter buckles her and she has to grab hold of Baekhyun's shoulder to stay standing; Baekhyun's arm wraps around her to support her weight. 

"I'm ok, I'm ok," Chanyeol insists. Her jacket is only waist-length, and she can feel how cold Baekhyun's hand is through the back of her dress. 

"But what about next time?"

"You _are_ pretty funny," Chanyeol agrees.

"We're going to, ah, check if the toilet's free," Jinri says and Chanyeol sees the wide-eyed look she gives Krystal, whose bitten lip proves she's a lot better than Chanyeol at keeping back giggles.

When the girls are out of earshot, Baekhyun steps on tip-toe, and Chanyeol tilts her head to listen.

Baekhyun's breath puffs unexpectedly hot.

Her new haircut exposes her ears more. That must be it. Chanyeol's still getting used to not having hair that falls halfway down her back. Her head feels so much lighter.

"I said, either of them your type?" Baekhyun repeats, not whispering the second time. "What do you think?"

"Oh," Chanyeol replies, after swallowing. "I think they ditched us."

"Mm," Baekhyun hums. "Their loss."

"Maybe we need some new funny stories."

"Hey, my stories didn't stop you nearly pissing yourself laughing, did they?"

Baekhyun's fingers twitch near Chanyeol's waist, and that's all the warning she gets before Baekhyun turns and her fingers are dancing along both sides of Chanyeol's ribs. Baekhyun's most ticklish along her neck, but Chanyeol's too busy cackling and holding onto her shoulders to take advantage of that. Baekhyun's smirking face is the same height as Chanyeol's breasts.

Their phones beep at exactly the same time. Baekhyun swears, drops her hands and Chanyeol lifts her arms from around Baekhyun's shoulders. It's the same message from Sehun: they have to leave now. 

"Well, fuck this party," Baekhyun says.

In the front hall, Jongin is flanked by Sehun and Sehun's new friend, who has sharper features than Chanyeol had expected for someone in a skirt. Chanyeol's first thought is: "Are you like me?" but then she's not sure. 

"Ok, who do we have to kill?" Baekhyun asks, and Jongin literally jumps at the sound of her voice.

What Jongin says then doesn't explain much, just that she knows it's still early, but that they can stay. She just wants to go home now. 

"Some guys were crowding Jongin," Sehun says. "Offering her drinks."

"I'm sorry," Jongin says, again. She was wearing a black top with sparkles around the deep V neck, but now she has her jacket zipped up to her throat, her arms crossed over her breasts and her shoulders hunched. "I said no. But--"

"But boys will be assholes," Baekhyun interrupts. "Sehun, get us a taxi to the station. There's a cinema at the Westfield, so--" 

"And the Odeon," Sehun's friend interrupts.

"Ok, two cinemas, so something has to be still open, right? Don't worry, Jongin, the night is still young."

"Your treat?" Jongin asks.

Baekhyun narrows her eyes to glare, but it's a losing battle. Jongin looks genuinely, adorably delighted instead of scared for the first time since they found her in the hallway. Sehun flutters her eyelashes with an otherwise blank expression on her face.

"For a hot chocolate or something. I'm not taking all of you to the movies."

Baekhyun glares for real at Sehun walking her new friend out with them. The two are holding hands, fingers interlaced. 

"This is Zitao," Sehun says. "I ordered a taxi for five so they can come with us."

"They?" Baekhyun asks.

"They/them/their," Zitao says. Their voice is higher pitched than Chanyeol's, but their chest is flatter. Their hair is only bright red on top, dark and short at the sides. They're wearing thicker liner than Baekhyun is and Chanyeol would need two hands to count their piercings. "What about you?"

Baekhyun looks confused, really looking at Zitao, maybe, for the first time. "Um, Baekhyun," and then adds: "She/her/hers?"

Zitao nods and looks to Chanyeol, smiling, waiting.

"Me, too. I mean, you can call me Chanyeol, and she/her/hers."

\---

Zitao is already at the other end of the taxi rank when Baekhyun finishes paying their driver. 

"I know a place," they say, pointing up towards the station entrance. "You wanted hot chocolate, right?"

If Chanyeol remembers rightly, the Westfield is on the other side of the station. Before tonight, she's never ever been to Hornsby station at night. She doesn't think Baekhyun has, either, but she also knows how Baekhyun is.

Chanyeol nods in the direction of the only café she's spotted. Across the street from them, it's very very shut. Saturday night in suburbia.

Baekhyun's lips twitch, but she keeps herself from pouting or frowning. "Ok, Zitao," she says. "You can earn your keep."

Zitao ducks back to grab Sehun's hand, dragging her forward, her laughter loud peals in the night. Sehun throws her weight back, pulling them both to a halt. She holds her free hand out behind her, and calls out Jongin's name to get the girl to look up from the road.

The three of them are easy to follow. They're loud. Chanyeol was already holding Baekhyun's forearm.

Zitao leads them past the station entrance for a covered walkway that takes them over the tracks and over a road before curling in on itself and letting them out into a pedestrian mall within sight of the (still lit!) café windows that Zitao points out eagerly.

The pedestrian mall has Westfield shop fronts looming along its other side. The shopping centre looks as closed as almost everything else is. Zitao and Sehun are too busy posing outside the café while shouting instructions to Jongin about their phones' camera functions, so Baekhyun is the first to push through the door.

"Welcome to-- Baekhyun?"

Baekhyun is the only one who recognises her. Sehun shows no reaction and Jongin stands behind her friend. The waitress -- "Minseok" according to her nametag -- also clearly knows Baekhyun, because she holds up a hand to stop her flows of questions and explanations. "Let me take your orders first."

\---

"The make-up and costuming was amazing that year. They actually made you look older than the rest of us as the Mother Abbess." 

"I'll probably still get carded at twenty-five," Minseok agrees from behind the counter. "They had their work cut out making you look like a believable nun. Baekhyun was quite memorable for a Year 8 girl in the chorus." 

"Hey, I was Lina Lamont the year after!"

The three others have sat down around a low table. Baekhyun has leant her elbows on the counter to talk to Minseok, who doesn't seem particularly distracted from her drink-making routine by Baekhyun's low neckline or her tight black mini-skirt rocking side to side as she talks. 

"I was in the orchestra for Singing in the Rain," Chanyeol says to have something to add. 

Minseok puts Zitao's Very Berry Crush smoothie beside Baekhyun's caramel frappe (two shots extra syrup) and Sehun's TimTam mocha milkshake.

"Singing in the Rain? But the orchestra would have been from the boys' school that year," Minseok says. 

Baekhyun stands up. Her heels make her taller than Minseok, but still short enough for Chanyeol to see over her head. "Chanyeol is my best friend," she says.

"Chanyeol? Chanyeol Park?" Minseok asks. "Piano, guitar, percussion?"

Chanyeol nods to each, swallowing. Minseok graduated last September, and wouldn't have had this year's gossip to introduce Chanyeol to her before they met face to face. 

"You must be Yixing's friend," Minseok says, and she's only smiling. "He said he'd finally tracked down a pianist he could offer to his band director to let him have the next six months off, that you'd moved just this year to my old school."

Chanyeol is sure the band director had final say about whether she joined the ensemble. But Yixing also told her which pieces to learn for the audition, and invited Chanyeol over to jam with him, to see how well she could improvise. 

"Yeah, that's me."

\---

Jongin thanks Chanyeol when she sets down her hot chocolate before going back to staring intently at the screen on her phone. 

"I just love him so much," Zitao is gushing to Sehun, waving their hands as they talk. They have so many rings on their fingers. "His school spirit speeches are _so_ embarrassing but we're so lucky to have him this year."

Baekhyun drops Sehun and Zitao's drinks ostentatiously down in front of them, apologising for missing the first half of their story. Zitao isn't used to Baekhyun's sarcasm, though, and brightly offers to start again from the beginning.

Zitao goes to one of the very few co-ed local high schools; they got a Facebook invite to the party because they went to primary with the birthday girl. Their principal has been attempting to tighten the uniform dress code all year, and even though the people who tend to get elected into the student representative council tend to be the staid types -- Zitao preens that they are definitely the exception to this rule -- their SRC has been fighting it all year, too.

Two weeks before school photos, everyone's parents got a letter stating that "non-natural" hair colour or "excessive" piercings that the student refused to remove would be grounds for being excluded from school photos. 

"Plenty of time for us to dye our hair back to something respectable, right?" Zitao says, reaching up to run light fingers over their own bright red hair. 

Chanyeol has never met anyone so unselfconsciously animated. It's so hard to remind herself not to stare.

"But guess what? Junmyeon Kim, our school captain, who is the most buttoned-up person you will ever meet, arrived on the day of school photos with his immaculately conservative cut hair, perfectly styled, bleached-- and dyed a lurid, bright purple!"

A purple that was, technically, one of their school colours. And you can't have the school photos without the school captain, can you?

"You should have seen his earnest face when he told the principal he wanted to show school spirit for the photos. I love him so much," Zitao repeats. "I have pictures, wait, let me..." 

They have a lot of photos, it turns out, though Chanyeol can't see any from where she's sitting. Leaning in close to watch Zitao's phone screen, Sehun looks just as mildly amused/smitten as she has all night. She's not usually very expressive, and Chanyeol doesn't know how to read her. 

Beside Chanyeol, Baekhyun is rocking in her seat.

Jongin grabs Sehun's arm, thrusting her own phone out. "I was tweeting about how much the party sucked and how gross boys are and LU HAN tweeted at me that 'guys are awful' and 'am I ok' and-- and-- do you think this means she???!!!"

"Only one way to know," Sehun says. "Straight girls can think guys are awful, too."

"Any straight girls worth your time definitely do."

Jongin's phone slips from her hand at Baekhyun's comment, and she scrambles to catch it before it falls onto the floor. "Sehun!"

"Jonginnie, your Twitter is locked to, like, seven people," Baekhyun says. "If our beloved sports captain is seeing your tweets, it's because you let her."

Chanyeol can't see Jongin's Twitter. Baekhyun has told her that Jongin's handle "@puppymummy" is accurate and that she's not missing out on much, but Chanyeol does like dogs and Jongin is the only one of Baekhyun's grrrl posse that Chanyeol doesn't follow at this point.

"So how long has this been going on?" Baekhyun asks. "A while, I bet, if she's hanging around on Twitter waiting for you on a Saturday night?"

"It's not a thing," Jongin squirms. "We talk. Sometimes. She's nice. I don't know..."

"You don't know? You don't react like that when you get a tweet from me, do you? C'mon, Jongin, we're not your mum. You are among lesbians." Baekhyun gestures expansively. "Mostly."

"I do think about her a lot," Jongin says, but then her face screws up like she's tasted something awful. "But not, like, pervy thoughts. I don't know what counts." 

She turns her frowning face on Sehun. 

"Sehun said I should touch her butt and see if I liked it."

Sehun shrugs. 

"Ok, what about: how long did it take you to start imagining their mouth on your mouth?" She says this looking at Jongin but stroking her hand along the outside of Zitao's thigh. 

Zitao looks pleased. 

Baekhyun doesn't. "It's not lust at first sight for everyone," she says. "You can know someone forever and you just look at them one day and realise they got hot somehow without you noticing."

"And that's when you want to-- kiss them?" Jongin asks, still looking unconvinced but attentive. She's rubbing her palms up and down her thighs. "I think... does it count as gay if I think if Lu Han wanted to kiss me, I'd let her? I don't want to let anyone else."

"If you'd -- if you'd _let_ her?" Baekhyun exclaims. "Fuck, kiss her if you want to kiss her, don't if you don't."

"But I don't know!" Jongin insists.

"Not everyone likes kissing, even with people they like very much," Zitao interjects. 

"Yeah, like Kyungsoo, you know?" Sehun says, and then adds, clearly for Zitao's benefit: "we have this friend who is, I don't know, bi, I guess, if bi means not attracted to everyone equally?" 

Zitao's dark-rimmed eyes widen, and they grab Sehun's arm, turning her body as they lean in close. 

Ok, Chanyeol cannot honestly tell from her angle if Zitao is whispering into Sehun's ear or licking it. They pull back just enough to stare at Sehun's face. Sehun tilts her head, just a little, and Zitao turns to give her an ear into which to whisper back.

Baekhyun's knee knocks sharply into Chanyeol's, but when Chanyeol turns, Baekhyun's focused on Jongin.

"Kyungsoo definitely isn't up for letting anyone kiss her," she says. "I'm not giving you shit, Jongin. I'm excited for you. If you're that excited about another girl messaging you, it's cool, you know? I've been there, and even if-- fuck!"

Baekhyun starts aggressively sucking the rest of her frappe up her straw. 

Jongin waits and waits. Sehun and Zitao are back to whispering into each other's ears on the couch across from Baekhyun and Chanyeol. Chanyeol's extra shot latte is finished. She wishes she could have another, but her stomach is saying no. Jongin is still waiting, her head sinking down into her shoulders, and Chanyeol wishes she knew what to say.

"Sehun said you have dogs," Zitao says to Jongin, as Sehun climbs into their lap. It leaves half their couch empty. "Do you have pictures?" 

Jongin has more pictures of her babies than Zitao has of their school captain, and that's just the ones from this past week. Her shoulders jump when her phone chimes, but she doesn't stop cycling through pictures.

The next chirp is from Chanyeol's phone. The text is Yixing asking Chanyeol if she happens to be at a party for the grade sport soccer team. And, well. Yixing is Lu Han's best friend.

Baekhyun is slurping up crushed ice as it melts.

Chanyeol mostly knows Lu Han from her announcements at assembly. She's the sort of girl that gets "dyke" hissed at her for being sporty and having bleached blonde hair cut short at the top and shaved close at the back. That's just Lu Han's hair, not who she'd fuck, to quote Baekhyun. It's also exactly the sort of haircut that Chanyeol had to explicitly tell her mother she didn't want after she said she wanted her hair cut short. All Chanyeol really knows about Lu Han's preferences is that she's not dating Yixing. 

Jongin's phone chimes again. This time, her voice stutters and stops. 

"I figured out I liked girls when I went on a date with this guy," Chanyeol says into the lull. "It wasn't bad, I guess, but near the end, I realised that, ok, I wanted someone to go do things with and hold hands and talk and stuff, but given that I'd spent the whole time looking at other girls instead of the guy I was with, I realised I should be trying to date girls instead."

She chuckles at that, self-deprecating, and Baekhyun touches her knee. It's cold, from the drink she is finally finished with. 

"Holding hands sound good," Jongin allows. "Or hugs, maybe. Lu Han doesn't look strong, but she is. I bet she could pick me up. Or give me a piggyback. But kissing, I don't know."

Chanyeol didn't want kissing until more recently, but she doesn't want to talk about that here. 

"Most people will expect you to like boys. I expected to like boys, even though my friends mostly don't." 

Baekhyun snickers at this, and leans into Chanyeol's side. Her hand is still on Chanyeol's knee. Chanyeol can't look at her.

"Most people don't wonder about other options. That you're even wondering that you might like her like that," Chanyeol continues, "it's ok to not be sure but it's also ok to wonder about what if you do like her like that."

"I know I like her, but I don't know if I like-like her," Jongin says, frowning. "I don't want to say the wrong thing."

"There is no wrong thing," Baekhyun says. " I promise you that unless you literally reply "Lu Han, I want to kiss you," she's not going think that's what you mean. That's like the last thing she's going to guess. I promise."

"But you thought--"

"You're my friend, Jongin, and I wouldn't wish pining for a straight boy on anyone, but most girls won't react like I will. Chanyeol's right: it doesn't work like that."

Jongin doesn't say anything, just stares at her phone.

Baekhyun exhales, loud. "Look, tell me what her last message was and I'll tell you what to say."

Jongin holds up her phone and gingerly swipes across the screen. She squeaks and then before Baekhyun can say anything else, recites: "what's the address? If you need, I'll pick you up and drive you home."

Baekhyun turns to press her forehead to Chanyeol's shoulder, swearing softly.

"Doesn't she live in, like, nowhere near here?" Sehun asks.

"Cremorne Point," Jongin says. "She runs to school every day. Conditioning, you know?"

"Ok, well, ready?" Baekhyun asks. She waits until Jongin nods before continuing: "I'm ok. I left the party with girl SPACE friends. I'm catching a train home."

"But thanks for offering," Chanyeol adds.

Baekhyun nods. "Yeah, and tell her thanks for offering. Nothing wrong with that."

\---

Zitao leaves them to stand on the northbound platform, and Sehun and Jongin catch an express down to Chatswood. Chanyeol and Baekhyun have to wait for the all-stops citybound, but not too long. Chanyeol has the timetable for the North Shore line memorised.

Their train is only four carriages, but it's pretty empty. Baekhyun won't have to glare at anyone for seats. They sit just inside the blue light carriage with the guard. 

At Wahroonga, when the doors open, Baekhyun whines, "I'm cold." 

She pushes into Chanyeol's side, wedging Chanyeol in against the clear divider at the end of the bench. Her bare legs are cold through Chanyeol's leggings. Her small, perfect hands are cold when she grabs Chanyeol's larger ones. 

Chanyeol lifts her arm up to wrap around Baekhyun's shoulders, and keeps an eye on the stairs and the door until they get to their stop.

"Do you think I should sic Kyungsoo on Jongin?" Baekhyun asks. "Sure, I came out first of all of us, but I'm not the best role model for lesbians who don't want to kiss girls." She laughs, but Chanyeol doesn't laugh with her. 

Every single shop front across from the station is dark, but the street lights are bright. 

"Are you really ok?" Chanyeol asks. "About Sehun?"

"About-- oh, yeah, sure. We haven't even fucked around lately," Baekhyun says. "You know we weren't anything like that. Zitao's not my type, but what's it got to do with me, right?"

She grabs Chanyeol's arm to steady her as she strips her shoes to walk barefoot on the sidewalk, and then doesn't let go. 

"What about you?"

"What about me?"

"You couldn't keep your eyes off of Zitao," Baekhyun accuses, smirking. "Have we finally found your type?"

Chanyeol feels her face heat, which is ridiculous, because no, Zitao is not someone Chanyeol wants to try to date. Maybe hang out with them more, learn more self-confidence being around someone so unashamedly themselves. 

"It's nice to meet someone who's also, you know, like me." Chanyeol says. "Sort of like me. But just because they also get it, doesn't mean that's all I'm looking for. Like you're not into someone just because they're also into girls."

It's not the best comparison, since Baekhyun has propositioned everyone in their group besides Jongin, at one time or another. And because Baekhyun doesn't date, the way Jongdae has been dating Yilin for nearly a year. Baekhyun hooks up.

"Well, yeah, I figured trans-friendly was a given," Baekhyun says. "But you can be cis and not a jerk about it. I mean, I try."

Zitao is no competition for the role of Chanyeol's best friend. None at all, which means it's time for a subject change.

"They seemed pretty into Sehun--"

"And that Junmyeon guy," Baekhyun interrupts, scowling.

"I think I'd like someone who was that excited about dating me." 

It's not a lie, but it's not the whole truth. Kissing spark or no, the big reason Chanyeol doesn't want to date Zitao is because there is someone she wants to date, and it isn't them.

"Damn right," Baekhyun says, and starts digging through her purse for her house-keys.

"You're coming in, right?" she asks. "We can talk. Or watch something. Hey, I can find us something actually worth drinking."

When Chanyeol doesn't reply fast enough, Baekhyun looks up, and the light from the security light above the door seems to make her skin glow. 

"It's late," Chanyeol says. "Your mother--"

"My mum won't care. She's never had a problem with you sleeping over."

Chanyeol used to sleep over because their parents figured out that Chanyeol's sister "babysitting" the both of them was cost-effective and Baekhyun's parents' house had more spare bedrooms. Now Yoora is at Wollongong studying a Bachelor of Communication. Baekhyun's parents don't blink at Chanyeol being one of the four or more girls giggly-tipsy they discover in their lounge after a night out, but Chanyeol has never been among them sleeping over. After all, there are only so many spare beds and she is the only one who can claim her own a five minute walk down the street.

They're both technically sober right now, but Chanyeol feels the sort of off-balance that can come as easily from late nights as wine. Her body can still remember Baekhyun pressed into her side on the train. Her fists clenched inside her jacket sleeves can still remember the feel of Baekhyun's hands. 

"I'm just tired, I guess," Chanyeol says. 

Baekhyun yawns. "Ok, go get your beauty sleep. Text me when you get home, yeah?"

Chanyeol watches at the gate until she sees the front door shut behind Baekhyun. Her boots clunk solidly on the sidewalk.

_"Home safe! ^_^ Sweet dreams! See you tmrw!_

_"Dream about hot girls! Tell me all about it!"_

Chanyeol watches her bedroom ceiling for a long time.

\---

Lu Han asks Jongin to follow her out onto the basketball courts Monday morning. That's not normal. 

It's normal for Lu Han to throw Jongin a compliment about her playing as she walks past their group after the first bell on the first school day after a game. It's a bit weird for Chanyeol to realise that Lu Han congratulating Jongin got normal without her noticing. And sure, that's pretty much every Monday or Wednesday morning, but she doesn't normally take Jongin away to talk.

"Why?" Baekhyun asks, but Lu Han only has attention for Jongin. 

"Just for a few minutes, ok? It's important."

Lu Han has a poker face. That's also not normal, Chanyeol realises, now that she's trying to put the pieces together in any other way. Lu Han's normally smiling when she walks past them, past Jongin.

Jongin looks back once over her shoulder before following Lu Han away.

They all watch the two girls through the mesh of the fence around the courts. They can't hear anything, but instead watch Jongin's chin drop to her chest. They watch Lu Han reach up to put her hands on Jongin's shoulders and take them away just as quickly.

They watch Jongin follow Lu Han off the courts, back to them. None of them sit down to pretend they weren't watching.

"Ok, Jongin, I'll-- good luck for next game," Lu Han says, and she's gone.

Jongin sits down by her bag. She looks at the concrete. 

Kyungsoo sits down first, and Jongdae. Sehun sits down next to Jongin and leans all her weight into Jongin's side, like this is just a normal Monday morning and Sehun's trying to catch a few more minutes' sleep before class with her chin on Jongin's shoulder.

Baekhyun's glaring daggers back up the senior lawn. Chanyeol doesn't have to look to know at who. She takes hold of Baekhyun's wrist. Baekhyun looks heavenwards and then lets Chanyeol pull her down.

"Ok, so, what was that about?" she asks.

"Lu Han doesn't want to kiss me," Jongin says through the fall of her hair. "She said she's heard things. About me. She thinks we shouldn't talk so much. That it would be easier for me. If we didn't."

"How often was "so much"?" Jongdae asks.

"Online every night," Sehun says, and Jongin doesn't even complain about Sehun spilling her secrets. She sniffles.

"But you don't actually want to kiss her, either, right?" Baekhyun says. "Why not tell her that?"

"I did!" Jongin looks up, and there are tear trails down her face. "But I don't think she believed me. She just kept repeating that it would be easier for me if we didn't talk so much." 

Sehun rubs Jongin's back as Jongin continues. "I said it was ok if we talked less, and she said that wasn't a good idea, either. 

"I don't understand."

Baekhyun hands her some tissues from her bag. 

"Well, congrats, Jongin," she says. "I wish it was for happier reasons, but I have to declare this much crying over a girl officially gay."

Jongin gives a watery smile, and blows her nose.

\---

Baekhyun drops her backpack onto the desk beside Chanyeol in Modern History and slumps down into her seat. 

"You still love me, right?" she asks, and doesn't seem to notice that Chanyeol's heart stops. "Even though I'm an asshole?"

"Um-- what?"

"I was so sure Minseok was a dyke. On Saturday? But, no, because who else would have warned Lu Han about getting lesbian germs all over her Twitter? I told Jongin she was _safe_. I'm such an asshole."

"You're not," Chanyeol says, automatic. Somehow, she's still breathing. That must be automatic, too.

Baekhyun starts muttering about all the rumours during that production of "The Sound of Music", the way lesbian rumours followed Lu Han and Minseok around as closely as Lu Han seemed to be following Minseok. That Baekhyun was an idiot for trusting in girls who said three years ago they didn't care if people thought they were gay instead of saying, yes, they were. "Telling Lu Han about Jongin's crush is not dyke solidarity."

"It is easier to get over someone if you're not around them all the time," Chanyeol says. "I mean, probably, right?"

"Yeah, probably," Baekhyun says. She doesn't look convinced but then Miss Williams comes in and they have to start class. 

Modern History is a double period, and Miss Williams is really great at making the inter-war period come alive, so Chanyeol has mostly forgotten about it by the time they break for roll call. Baekhyun's rant from their classroom to the point where they part for separate roll classes was about how women couldn't stand for parliament as late as 1923 in Victoria, and then only if they were white, that those women didn't fight for the right to vote for later generations to fight for the right not to vote just because you could end up with a white cishet male Catholic sociopath as prime minister. Jongin was Catholic, so it went to show that the problem was straight men.

"Hey, thanks," Baekhyun says, and Chanyeol doesn't know what she's being thanked for but can't speak in the face of Baekhyun's smile. 

Baekhyun doesn't have as much height in school shoes as she does in heels, but when she pushes into Chanyeol, Chanyeol walks back easily into the wall. 

"For talking me down before. You're the best," Baekhyun says, her body pressed against Chanyeol's amid the crush of the entire school streaming between classrooms. She reaches up, tucking a lock of Chanyeol's hair behind her ear. 

Chanyeol impresses herself by not fainting. 

"Hey, nice studs, where'd you get them?" Baekhyun says. She's grinning as she moves away, down the corridor to her roll class. "See you at recess!" 

Chanyeol makes it into roll call, her usual seat next to Jongdae, moving on autopilot. Her face is probably as vivid pink as the flamingo studs that Baekhyun bought her when they went to Taronga Zoo that time in Year 9, even though Chanyeol had just got her ears pierced and wouldn't be able to switch the piercing studs out for at least a month. Because flamingos have long legs and everyone knows pink stuff is for girls. Chanyeol put them in this morning because lately everything that reminds her of Baekhyun makes her grin.

And makes her bite her lip with everything she can't say. Chanyeol doesn't like keeping secrets from her best friend.

She can understand how confusing it must be for Jongin to describe how she feels about Lu Han in words. It's so obvious with hindsight, but it took so long for her to realise what these feelings meant. Jongin's crush, it seems, doesn't include what was finally for Chanyeol the obvious clue.

If Baekhyun wanted to kiss her, Chanyeol doesn't have to think about what her answer would be. She knows she would say yes, but she also knows that Baekhyun's never going to ask.


End file.
